I had my first cigarette at 12 years old when I was in 7th grade. I was enrolled in a Catholic grade school in Philadelphia, Immaculate Conception in Germantown. Smoking seemed cool, grown-up and acceptable. Heck, even the nuns and priests did it!
What I remember about that first cigarette was the burning lungs, the coughing, and my friends snickering over my dismay. Dreadful! Embarrassing! They weren't nearly losing their lunch from trying to smoke like I was. I was determined to tame this beast. LOL, little did I know it would be me tamed by it - for 33 years of my life.
Within a handful of weeks I could smoke like the rest of them, even more I think - I was a pack a day smoker before I was 13.
So it is easy for me to say honestly that I started smoking not because of a real 'need', nerves or stress but instead just to be cool. Pretty much why started other bad habits in those years as well.
By 15 I was no longer hiding it from my parents. I smoked outside the house or in the basement because my mother didn't like the smell but never had any fear of being seen. Smoking seemed acceptable back then (late '70s). So acceptable in fact that my step-father even bought me cartons for gift giving occasions such as a birthday or Christmas. I spent my allowance on cigarettes, did extra chores for cigarettes. I could purchase my own cigarettes at the corner store, even at age 13. It really wasn't a big deal.
Now granted, there were all kinds of TV ads, billboards and magazine ads that showed beautiful, cool people smoking and having a great time. There weren't any disclaimers back then that said smoking could cause health problems, cancer, low birth-weight for babies of smoking mothers. That isn't to say there wasn't any information on the hazards of smoking, I'm just saying it wasn't in your face apparent that there was a problem with this habit - other than your breath smelled bad. Health class had pictures of a smoker's lungs vs lungs of a non-smoker but instead of seeing this as a warning, we saw it as entertainment value "Ewww, look at those lungs!". I don't think I even once connected those disgusting lungs with what mine could look like one day.
And so for the next 33 years of my life, smoking was a habit that was always with me in one form or another. There were various times along the road when I was able to 'quit' for time periods but I never really QUIT in my head, I knew I was just torturing myself until I finally gave in. Because I always gave in. Always.
Next: When I finally started to get the idea that smoking wasn't so harmless...
